What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

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When I first encountered this question, it was from a book my aunt gave me as a graduation gift. I brought it with me the very first time I moved to a different city because I figured it would help me. The book is called “Who Moved My Cheese?” It was a sort of children’s story that you, as an adult could learn a lot from.

The question bothered me so much, because I can never seem to figure it out on my own. Usually, I would require third-party assistance in the form of “life advice” or just a plain nudge towards the right direction: the direction that would lead me to answers rather than more questions.

What would I do if I weren’t afraid? Honestly, I have no answer. I can’t even begin to imagine how infinite my choices would be if I was, in fact, fearless. I have excuses for every little thing that could even become a slight possibility. Maybe I’m just being an ass to myself, or maybe, I’m not doing much of a job to self-motivate.

Sometimes however, you have these moments of epiphany, where you realize that the outcomes of your actions are better than how you usually expect them to be. That the means to these “ends” weren’t exactly daunting, all you need to do is take the first step.

Like, why is it really so hard to apply for a job you know you will love and grow in? Why do we fear going up the stage and being in front of a bunch of people even if we know deep inside that we have talent? Why would we not step foot to a place we have never been in, or eat food we have never tasted or even trust people we have never known? Why won’t we allow ourselves to fall for the wrong guy?

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Fear is in our every being. They are those little devils on your shoulder that whisper in your ear to step back when you’re too high up, maybe literally, sometimes figuratively. But is it so bad to be on top? Is it so bad to be so high up on everything that you could see yourself in every possibility? So high up that you can see what you’ve become just because you chose to make the first step. You’re in that certain place where you realize that getting there wasn’t exactly so hard if only you stopped talking yourself down from the beginning of your journey.

Maybe the company will hire you because they see potential in you. Maybe the people will love you because you decided to share your talent. Maybe you’ll fall in love with a place, discover your favorite food, turn strangers into best friends, maybe he may not be the wrong guy after all.

I know these “maybe’s” are not certain, but so are the other hesitations you have that scare you into not doing what you want to do. Obviously, I’m not saying that you should just do these things to call yourself fearless. I simply meant the things you’ve always really wanted to do, but prevented yourself because of reasons you can’t even remember.

Of course there will always be risks, but the positive outcomes usually make you believe that the risks were worth it. If you think you can’t do it on your own, do it with someone who is just as scared. You’ll realize towards the end that you are both pushing yourself to do it, and at the same time gathering the courage from each other.

The best kinds of fears are the ones that you conquered. Some of these take a while, some, you would need a support group or person for. But definitely overcoming your fears slowly will make you realize how tiny your worries were in the first place. It will make you a happier person in general, and that kind of happiness extends to other people as well.

I’m going to start making a list, and I’ll slowly be crossing off things in this list. Maybe you should too…

xx Gizel

So no one told you life was gonna be this way…

I have now officially moved to an entirely different and completely far country; and this is not even a metaphor or something, I have had a few weeks to let it sink in but it has not actually happened yet.

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I’ve left quite a lot of things back home that I would very much have loved to have brought with me, and this list includes not just material things, but humans too, and if the thought of bringing them here with me would’ve been short of impossible, I’d like it if I could at least have had closure with them. I never said proper goodbyes to everyone I loved, I suck at goodbyes and I hate it. I’m trying to move on with my life. It is not an exact invitation to forget about the past, but it is somewhat convenient that you get through the process a thousand miles away.

And that “process” includes me being left here alone at home bingeing on Netflix re-watching Friends, because hey, how else could you cope being away from your actual friends and family?

This is, a “Friends”- themed narration of my exact feelings before and after I moved:

When I realized I was stuck in a place with people I don’t like and a job that I hate:
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Then I finally decided to grow some balls and left:

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And when work people tried to get me to stay:

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Then I saw myself back home doing exactly what I did when I decided to leave and find a job:

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Something is seriously wrong with me:

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Then I’m lost again going through the quarter-life crisis, having absolutely no idea what to do next…

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Then when news came about me finally getting to leave the country and starting out a new life with better opportunities:

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And then it finally sinks in:

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That you’re leaving..

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All you’ve ever known…

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And everyone you’ve ever loved…

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But you know that this next move is for you, and it’s gonna make everything okay.

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On the plus side, it’s a good way to start over.

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Then you get to the new place:

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But you’re all alone…

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And everything is new:

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And you start missing your friends:

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And you can’t find a right time to talk to them because of the freaking time difference

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And you see them making new friends:

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 But they call you, and you’re happy again, and you just miss them so much..

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And you know you’ll still have them no matter what

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So you don’t need to get scared about this next chapter.

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Because they’re just a call away..

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And well, all you have to do is face it head on.

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Get to know the place:

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Start fresh:

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Okay, actually START..

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  You’ll be okay.

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xx Gizel

Relevant things my Thesis made me Realize.

It’s hard to ask people for money.

I made an event for my thesis to raise funds for housing projects in the organization I am a part of . Given my situation and my cause, you would have thought that people would go out of their way to spare a few amount of cash.

tumblr_n23pr4ME0c1qgo24yo3_250 Sometimes, it makes me think that there are only a few good people left in this world. The hardest thing I had to do for my event was look for sponsors. I didn’t think I would go through all that trouble and get nothing. Or, quite possibly, I suck very much at convincing people.

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I am very thankful for those people who DID support the cause and gave financial help. They made me restore my faith in humanity. I can’t thank them enough for their generosity.

 

People WILL let you down.

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People will disappoint you, lie to you, take advantage of you. It’s what they do. People hurt people. And yet you are led to believe that you can find the good in them. It’s okay. Keep trying. No matter how many times you were let down, don’t give up on these people. Keep pushing for the good in them to come out. It’s worth it.

 

Don’t take everything too seriously.

Many times during the course of my project, I began thinking too deep. And deep overthinking of things that didn’t really matter in the bigger picture got me in trouble. I was lost, I was depressed, I was tired. I felt like a zombie walking around the city, sometimes not having a clue how I got to certain places simply because my mind was too focused on the negatives of my work. I took everything too seriously and it stopped me from being able to think clearly and pause.

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Walking is therapeutic.

For some reason I have gotten accustomed to walking. Maybe I thought I was in New York despite the heat and the dirty streets, but I’ve found a certain calm in walking. Because I thought too much about a lot of things, I tended to zone out, and zoning out while on a public vehicle usually got me farther than where I was supposed to be. So I decided to just WALK. No matter how far I had to go to; this past month, I had been walking to wherever I needed to be. Walking made me think better, it didn’t tire me because it made me appreciate the small things around me, and it somehow got me able to  know routes in my city that you never go through when you’re in a car or a jeepney. There’s a certain sense of isolation you get from walking alone, and it makes you feel calm, and relaxed, and free.

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Hugs are important.

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All throughout the depression and the disappointments, I’ve found hugs to be helpful. There’s actually a scientific study about hugs being able to relieve stress, and now I’m a believer of that statement. I have officially become a hugger. Thanks to the people who shared their hugs! 🙂

 

Smile at everybody.

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There was this one time when I was just walking, and all I could think of were my problems in my project that I didn’t realize my eyebrows were furrowed and my lips were pursed a little too far, until I passed by this old man who was just sweeping the ground outside his house waiting for me to respond to him. He said “Good Morning” with the most genuine and innocent smile that I felt all the muscles in my face rearrange into a smile that mirrors his. I greeted him back, and that smile got me through the rest of the day. Smile at strangers, you don’t know how much it could help them.

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I have the best grandmother in the world.

Because of the stress of last week and everything that had to be done,it’s explainable if I become disoriented, unrelaxed and downright hard to talk to. So on the final day when I had to pass all of my requirements and forget the one very important folder that has everything, there would be no question. Despite my stupidity, my superwoman grandmother went all the way from our house to my university just so I could pass it on time. Thanks lola!

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xx Gizel

2013 in a tiny Box.

Who knew events of the year could fit in a tiny, old DKNY watch box?

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I got the concept from tumblr exactly a year ago. It was New Year’s Eve, and I saw this picture of a glass with what seemed like letters inside it. The idea was to write out things that made you happy in the course of the year in small pieces of paper, and store them in a jar, and then read everything you wrote by the end of the year.

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When I opened my tiny “Best of 2013” box, I felt excited. I haven’t opened any of these small pieces of paper ever since I started writing them. One by one I slowly opened, and read these happy moments that I wrote

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They made me remember the moments and made me feel all sorts of things: happiness, nostalgia, and sometimes, regret, for missed opportunities, plans that didn’t pull through, things that don’t happen, and people that I don’t see anymore.

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But here I am, on my first day of 2014, reading memories about life, love, friends, and family that made me happy throughout 2013. I giggled at some, and cried happy tears in the others.

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They made me realize that what makes me happy the most are simple things, like having random sleepovers with my friends, coffee dates, roadtrips, and the beach. I wrote about the most random and small things that made me appreciate my days, some as simple as “waking up to a good hair day” or something big like “seeing a falling star for the first time.”

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I’m pretty sure I wasn’t able to write about every happy memory that happened to me in the year, but it’s okay. I had a tiny box, that was filled with love letters to myself. It’s proof that, despite the lows that I’ve experienced, a lot of good things happened to me in 2013, and I’m thankful for that.

xx Gizel

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Photos by: Me

Changes

What would be a good New Year’s Resolution?

Considering when this blog post got published and how far apart it was from my last, you can tell that I’m the kind of person who doesn’t really stick to whatever it is that I planned.

Yes, I failed NaBloPoMo.

…I think I have the beach to blame for that.

But really, the beach was such a beautiful place to get lost in and it felt safe to forget about everything else left in civilization. And considering I missed 4 days of posting, I decided to not continue on with it.

I don’t feel THAT bad. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do the whole month, but it felt great to at least try.

And since then, a lot of things already happened.

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Time flies. But what’s important is, you get to live each second of it. 2014 is coming, and I am so stoked! I’m probably not gonna make New Year’s Resolutions, and things like that because I know they’re bound to be broken anyway. Not because, I’m not disciplined enough to follow new rules that I set for myself, but because I tend to change my mind a lot.

Whatever is gonna happen though, I’m going to be ready for it!
WELCOME 2014!

xx Gizel

Cooking with Tuesdays: PANCAKES ft. Quincy

1422852_10151832612693218_1412446681_nMeet Quincy, one of my best friends in high school. Quincy is taking up Hospitality Management. She has classes in cooking, baking, and a whole bunch of other kitchen-related stuff. So deciding to do this with her, would be easy… NOT!

Quincy is probably the last person you’d see cleaning up a pile of dirty dishes. She’s passionate about baking, but she made me do this on my own. Hah! Talk about future-chefs. :))

We were bored, and hungry, so we decided to make a quick and easy-to-make meal: Pancakes.

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GQ (Gizel & Quincy)

1 box pancake mix
1 medium egg
3/4 cup water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil/butter

 

Mix all ingredients in bowl.

Enjoy! (Personally, I like eating it uncooked but apparently, according to my very health-conscious friend, it’s not good for you.)

Pour in mixture to pan in low heat. Flip and cook until golden brown.

Serve with fruits and syrup.

 

I had a fun time making shapes out of the pancakes, I can’t wait to make a mess in the kitchen again with you Quince.

 

Cooking with Tuesdays Part 2: Success (with a super easy dish)
Photos by: Me (iPhone quality)

 

xx Gizel

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Five Witches You Meet in School.

WOW, my third already? November is kinda going too fast for me. Here we go.

Favorite Series: American Horror Story (Coven)

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Honestly, this show is AAAAMAZING. I’m probably being a little bit biased because I really loved the first season, but honestly, after falling in love with the first one, I can’t simply hate the next others. Coven is the third season; so much different from the first two preceeding seasons. The only thing they have the same is the cast. Each season is a new story all together, and I love this one because it’s a bout a coven of witches.

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Plus, Jessica Lange has honestly become one of  my favorite actresses because of this show.

Movie of the Week: for the life of me I can’t think of any movie I’ve seen this week.

Book I’m currently reading: The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

October

Honestly, it’s so embarassing to not have read any book for the past two weeks, it makes me feel  like I’m showing you guys how much I am not a smart person. Thankfully, I’ve recently read this book, I know it’s old but I really loved it. It’s the kind of book you read in one sitting, and feel light afterwards. Luckily this was the book I read in public and not the “Tuesdays with Morrie” one because I honestly don’t think crying in public with your snot everywhere could ever be attractive at all.

Hotties of the Week: Erika Linder & ERIKA LINDER

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Girl or boy, this androgynous model is making me question my sexuality.

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Favorite Youtuber: Caspar Lee

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Ladies and gentlemen, Meet Caspar Lee: the male version of me.

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The UK should stop it with all these pretty boys being around each other so much.
P.S. Finn, I’m not sure how I feel about you kissing Caspar, I think instead of feeling jealous, I sorta could just stare at you pucker up all day.

Playlist: + by Ed Sheeran

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Dear Ed Sheeran, when will you make another album? I swear, you shouldn’t let that talent go to waste. Why are you opening for Taylor Swift when you can have a world tour of your own? I can’t stop listening to Kiss Me and Wake Me Up.

 Last-Song-Syndrome: Royals by Lorde

I can’t stop replaying this song.

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And this girl is fucking gorgeous!

Currently Preoccupied With: School

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Everything is not okay.

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xx

Gizel

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