Saying Goodbye.

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So I guess, this is how it feels to say goodbye to something you never thought you’d fall in love with. I sound like I just broke up with someone. Which is technically kind of true, I just broke up with my job. Been in the company for eighteen months, been relocated twice, been under three different bosses, and went through a buttload of associates.

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Every single time I talk to people about my work the first thing they would ask is “Do you like it?” and I would always undoubtedly respond, “I like the people I work with!” And it is true, I LIKE the people I work with. The job is not so bad. It’s not the field I went to school for, it’s not what my passion is all about, but it is pretty fun, and I learned a bunch of stuff that I never would’ve learned anywhere else.

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The people is an entirely different story though. My associates have become my family. I fell in love with every single one of them, even the few that I’ve come to despise, haha! I’ve been their manager, adviser, therapist, teacher, big sister, and even a mom at some point (but that’s kinda pushing it coz I’m a child most of time).

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In return, they have been there for me with almost everything I went through. They’ve heard the worst of my hunger complaints and body pains. It got to a point where, whenever they hear someone craving for chili barbecue fries, or talk about having back problems, it would immediately remind them of me. They have forced me to come see the doctor, and got scared for me when I talk about my health with them. They have seen me ugly cry over the most trivial things, and they have made me laugh so hard that I almost peed myself. I’ve been with them through the good days and the bad. My kids (as I call them) have taught me so much more than I have taught them.

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They’ve seen me grow into a “mature” individual even though most of the time they see me goofing around and just playing. Who knew a bunch of 18-year-olds could change me?

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My company have been both good and bad to me. As any other company who has their pros and cons, but it’s more pros rather than cons. Working in this company, I started out as a timid, soft-spoken person afraid of confrontation. Now, I know how to pick my battles and I’ve learned not to be a push-over. Trust me, for me, it’s a good thing! I have learned to be brave, and fight for what I know is right. I have a stronger backbone (even though technically I have actual back problems, haha!) and I have learned to face stress with a level head and an objective point of view all the time.

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The management team have been literal brothers and sisters to me. We’ve gone through a lot, and I mean, A LOT. They’re my best friends but they have become like actual siblings to me.  If you had to work with the same group of people for 40 hours of the week, you could never avoid conflict. We’ve had our fair share of arguments, and horrible fights, but we’ve also gone through so much that we literally cannot go a day without talking to each other, just like siblings. We joke that we are all alcoholics, because we would all go drinking together even after work. They are my family inside and outside of work and I feel like no matter what had happened to this little family I’ve created in my short stay in this company, everything has a reason why, and I will still love all of them.

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Leaving this job felt like an actual break-up. I knew I was eventually gonna move to another state, and quitting was inevitable, but I can’t deny that it still hurt. On my last day, everything was emotional. My last clock-out, last close, pretty much last everything! I wrote my “kids” and “siblings” a long-ass letter to say goodbye, and everyone who’s ever known me knows how much I hate saying goodbye. I couldn’t do it properly that’s why I wrote it down. I’m thankful to every single one I’ve met in this company for all the good and even bad experiences.

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I’m off to another new chapter in my life: a completely clean slate, but you guys will always be in my heart. I will never forget you!

18766066_10154532773118639_1030280877271945748_n.jpgxx Gizzy

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

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When I first encountered this question, it was from a book my aunt gave me as a graduation gift. I brought it with me the very first time I moved to a different city because I figured it would help me. The book is called “Who Moved My Cheese?” It was a sort of children’s story that you, as an adult could learn a lot from.

The question bothered me so much, because I can never seem to figure it out on my own. Usually, I would require third-party assistance in the form of “life advice” or just a plain nudge towards the right direction: the direction that would lead me to answers rather than more questions.

What would I do if I weren’t afraid? Honestly, I have no answer. I can’t even begin to imagine how infinite my choices would be if I was, in fact, fearless. I have excuses for every little thing that could even become a slight possibility. Maybe I’m just being an ass to myself, or maybe, I’m not doing much of a job to self-motivate.

Sometimes however, you have these moments of epiphany, where you realize that the outcomes of your actions are better than how you usually expect them to be. That the means to these “ends” weren’t exactly daunting, all you need to do is take the first step.

Like, why is it really so hard to apply for a job you know you will love and grow in? Why do we fear going up the stage and being in front of a bunch of people even if we know deep inside that we have talent? Why would we not step foot to a place we have never been in, or eat food we have never tasted or even trust people we have never known? Why won’t we allow ourselves to fall for the wrong guy?

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Fear is in our every being. They are those little devils on your shoulder that whisper in your ear to step back when you’re too high up, maybe literally, sometimes figuratively. But is it so bad to be on top? Is it so bad to be so high up on everything that you could see yourself in every possibility? So high up that you can see what you’ve become just because you chose to make the first step. You’re in that certain place where you realize that getting there wasn’t exactly so hard if only you stopped talking yourself down from the beginning of your journey.

Maybe the company will hire you because they see potential in you. Maybe the people will love you because you decided to share your talent. Maybe you’ll fall in love with a place, discover your favorite food, turn strangers into best friends, maybe he may not be the wrong guy after all.

I know these “maybe’s” are not certain, but so are the other hesitations you have that scare you into not doing what you want to do. Obviously, I’m not saying that you should just do these things to call yourself fearless. I simply meant the things you’ve always really wanted to do, but prevented yourself because of reasons you can’t even remember.

Of course there will always be risks, but the positive outcomes usually make you believe that the risks were worth it. If you think you can’t do it on your own, do it with someone who is just as scared. You’ll realize towards the end that you are both pushing yourself to do it, and at the same time gathering the courage from each other.

The best kinds of fears are the ones that you conquered. Some of these take a while, some, you would need a support group or person for. But definitely overcoming your fears slowly will make you realize how tiny your worries were in the first place. It will make you a happier person in general, and that kind of happiness extends to other people as well.

I’m going to start making a list, and I’ll slowly be crossing off things in this list. Maybe you should too…

xx Gizel