Have you ever had that nagging feeling that for no reason at all you just want to take off all your clothes and run?
Sometimes, I’m just too weird for my own good.
But yes. I have thought about running in my birthday suit countless times already. It’s not because I think I have to flaunt my uber-sexy body, because trust me, I don’t have that. But the mere fact of running freely, without anything at all to weigh you down or limit you just feels kind of liberating and just plain awesome.
It’s not like I’m planning on pioneering a naked run in my city, because I’m not.
It’s just basically my subconscious wanting me to do something extremely daunting that ends up becoming a learning experience altogether.
In normal-people terms: something in the line of traveling alone, hitch hiking to an unplanned destination, chopping off all your hair, backpacking with your friends, or being part of an activist group.
I don’t know how or why I found myself wandering in this weirdly wonderful part of my mind, but lately everything just seems to be insufficient. Like there’s something missing, I can’t quite put my finger on it really, but somethings’s been lacking in my life for these past couple of months. Yes, passion, I know, we’ve already covered that (in this entire blog, I might add), but nowadays, it just feels like my thirst for this so-called unfound passion is getting stronger.
Everyday is getting worse. It’s like, each morning I wake up with the goal that “This will be the day that I finish searching.” and every night I go to bed with nothing. My obsession about it has become like my constant fascination with invading my dog’s personal space and taunting her when all she just wants to do is sleep: exhausting, and nothing ever happens.
Why am I thinking about this now? Well, today I found myself in a room surrounded by a lot of old long-haired bearded guys filled with tattoos of the most random things. (Okay, I just made it sound like I was in a really creepy alley filled with scary criminals, I’m sorry, no I wasn’t.)
Actually, since I’m interning at the museum I got to see a lot of artists(do you see the stereotype there?) that gathered here today to pass their entries for the Philippine Art Awards. I saw hundreds of different paintings and sculptures and works of art that I couldn’t even classify. They were all so intriguing and so flawlessly crafted that I couldn’t stop loathing myself for not having such an amazing artistic talent. You could feel the passion flooding the room, oozing out from all those different people and I wanted to stay there and bask in their awesomeness and just hope that their talent would rub off on me.
But who was I kidding? The level of amazing talent in the room was suffocating me and shrinking me. Why couldn’t I have been a prodigy of some sort?
But, I know better than to use that experience to further stamp on my insecurities.I know that today, was supposed to be some sort of inspiration for me.
Because I met all these creative people, I’m just even more driven to find what my passion really is, and not quit on it. I can now see how your love for doing something can fuel you into making something so incredible that can make you become an inspiration to others as well.
Who knows? Maybe because of my subconscious thoughts, I might consider being a nudist as my passion?
Okay, maybe not.