Yes and No

After graduating, (yes I already graduated, finally!) I had hoped to have at least a few months to unwind, relax and RECOVER from 17 years of education. But life apparently has other plans for me. Not more than four days later, I was offered a job at sales. I did not look for it, it came to find me, and as much as I understand how it is an actual opportunity to at least try, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m too afraid to.

The fear of the next chapter is too real for someone like me.

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This is now a time for job hunting, embarrassing interviews, new kinds of stresses, failed relationships and an even more extreme dependency for coffee. But here I am looking for great places to get lost to in a short period of time .

And I know EXACTLY what people will say about it.

“That’s not practical.”

“What are you going to do with your life?”

“Do you even have goals?”

“How do you expect to feed yourself without money?”

“Find a job first, then travel all you want after.”

 And I also know EXACTLY how to answer those questions; I know it’s not practical but I still DON’T know what to do with my life and I’m hoping that this bit of soul-searching will lead me to my actual goals. I’m not too picky on food but I’m more specific on experiences that will feed my soul and my being, and I’d rather travel and call it a job, or find a career that revolves around that. You see I am a restless wanderer, and keeping me stuck in a routine will literally make me crazy.

But I know this answer is selfish, so usually to the people who judge my decisions I’d just shrug and say:

Yesterday was the second day for the Panaad Festival which featured a concert where Joey Ayala and Gary Granada will perform.

If you don’t know them, I have no right to ask you if you’ve been living under a rock because they seriously are not that popular, IN THIS GENERATION. But during their time, they were basically legends.

And how is this connected to my current post-grad-quarter-life-crisis? Well, I just happened to spend the whole day with them. (Sometimes my volunteer work in the culture and the arts industry has its perks!)

Yesterday was a fulfilling experience to my heart, mind and soul (and tummy!) The food and company was amazing in a place where nature was overwhelmingly welcomed.

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I was again in the presence of people who knew what their passion was and it resonated in everything they did. Sure they were a bit eccentric, talking openly about marijuana, depression, mental disorders and hippie life in the 80′s but being around them made you feel a sort of freedom. Their openness was welcoming and a bit, liberating.

We had this conversation about the educational system in the country; Sir Joey said something about the difference between training and education that “training was teaching you what exactly you’re supposed to do in an organized routine” and that “Education was actually learning by yourself how to handle the surprise attacks of life.” It was pretty deep, and I honestly can’t remember how our conversation led to that but it made me ponder and share my thoughts to the group as well.

“Then in school, we were not being educated, we were being trained.”

“Exactly.”

I felt cheated. 17 years of “education” which was actually training for employment.

And now, I don’t know what to do next.

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The talks about their experiences became sort of life advices for me who is just trying to start out in life. Whatever career I want to pursue, all actions of today will lead to that.

I will still be looking for my passion, and whatever feels like it’s not right for me, I won’t do it; and all the things I think I could maybe do, I will. Yesterday I was told that, I shouldn’t study deeper into the things I’m already good at. It’s there and will still be there for me to improve on and excel in. What I should try to learn will be things I haven’t tried yet, coz then, that’s how I will find my passion.

Learn to say no, and at the same time, don’t let your fears stop you from saying “Yes.”

 

xx Gizel